Perhaps It's Time to Shut our Mouths and Start Listening to our Teens

Almost every parent has seen that unmistakable eye-roll from their teenager during a conversation. Those conversations aren't usually two-way, but more of a pontification about "I'm older and wiser than you; therefore, you should listen to me." The Eye-Roll Quotient (ERQ) increases the more the dialogue represents a one-way exchange. We didn't appreciate it when our parents did it to us, so why would it be revered differently by our children? Perhaps it's time to shut our mouths and start listening to our teens.

Every Teen is so Different

Raising teens is one of the most difficult challenges any parent can face. There are so many things to worry about. It often feels like we're stumbling around in the dark. We read all the books and talk to our friends, but nothing ever really prepares us for the realities of parenting a teen. And part of the problem is that every teen is so different. I looked at my three kids, and they couldn't be further from one another. Strategies that worked with one only sometimes worked with the next. When you think you've got it all figured out, your teen changes the dialogue on you. One minute they're sullen and withdrawn; the next, they're testing your boundaries and pushing your buttons. It's enough to drive any parent insane. But the good news is that we're not alone. Every parent of a teen has felt this way at some point. And even though it's not always easy, there are ways to manage our teens and help them through this challenging time. So let's change the dialogue around raising teens and start talking about all the positive things that come with it. Yes, it's hard work, but it's also one of the most rewarding experiences you'll ever have. So let's embrace the challenge and raise our amazing teens!

Parenting with Integrity

Parenting with integrity means not asking your teen to do something you're not prepared to do yourself. We're all guilty of it on occasion. The best example of this is the surrounding use of our phones. We expect our kids to stay off their phones at certain times but are we prepared to adhere to the same rules? Asking them to do something we're unwilling to do ourselves will only create conflict. It's essential to be aware of our integrity as parents and ensure that we're modelling the behaviour we want to see in our children.

Stop Trying to Control Your Teenager

It's hard to let go of control. We want our teens to succeed, and it's our job to ensure they have all the tools they need to get there. But at some point, we have to step back and let them take the reins. It can be tough to watch them make mistakes, but it's important to remember that raising teens is about respect. If we try to control their every move, we're not respecting their ability to grow and learn independently. So instead of hanging on tight, we need to let go and trust that they'll find their way. It won't always be easy, but it's the best thing we can do for our kids in the long run. Allow them freedom but also let them know you'll be there whenever they need, giving them a safety net without losing their independence.

What's the Definition of Insanity?

Raising teens is no easy task. There are many things to worry about - grades, friends, sports, dating, and partying. It can be hard to know what to do or say sometimes. And when one approach seems to need fixing, trying the same approach in a louder, more aggressive approach will seldom achieve the desired result. We've all heard the definition of insanity as trying the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. Parenting is no different. But giving up is not an option either. I must keep trying, even if it means trying a different approach. Because I know that eventually, something will click, and when it does, it will all be worth it. So even though raising teens can be tricky, I'll never give up on them. They're worth every minute of my time and energy.

Parent Timeouts

We get exhausted from the never-ending arguments, the messy bedrooms, and the constant testing of boundaries. But instead of raising their voices or losing their tempers, as parents, we need to give ourselves a timeout. Just as young kids need a chance to calm down and regroup, adults sometimes need a few minutes. Parents can avoid saying or doing something they'll regret later by taking a timeout. And when they feel calmer, they're more likely to respond constructively and respectfully to their child. So next time you feel exasperated, take a deep breath and take a short walk. It is the best thing you can do for your relationship with your teen.

Giving Your Teen Some Space

 Knowing how to best support your teen during this change can be brutal. However, one thing that is always important is to treat them with respect. Just because they're going through a difficult phase doesn't mean that they don't deserve your love and support. One way to show them that you respect their privacy is by giving them some space. This doesn't mean you should stop being involved in their life, but it's essential to allow them to grow and explore independently. By giving your teen some space, you're showing them that you trust them to make their own decisions and believe in their ability to handle whatever life throws their way. The door should always be open for them to encourage them to ask you for help or advice.

Be Gentle in your Approach with your Teen

Dealing with an evolving brain is no easy feat, but there are some things you can do to make the process a little easier. For one, try to be understanding and patient. Remember that your teen is going through a lot of changes, both physically and emotionally. They may not always know how to express themselves, so giving them the space to figure things out is essential. Additionally, try to avoid putting too much pressure on them. Teens already have a lot of pressure in their lives, so giving them the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them can be crucial. Finally, stay positive and supportive, even when things are tough. Your teen will need all the love and guidance they can get during this challenging time.

Conclusion

Every parent wants their teenager to be happy. But what does that mean? And, more importantly, how do you make it happen? Asking your teen what would make them happy is a great starting point. If they need to learn, try different approaches until you find something that works. Just as important as finding what makes them happy is giving them the space to figure it out for themselves. Don't hover or micromanage - let them explore and grow into their personalities. Finally, always approach your conversations with an open mind and a gentle heart. Teens can sense when we're judging or lecturing them, which will only shut down communication. What strategies do you use to keep your teen happy? Share in the comments below!